about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Not enough.
[ 11:22 am ] I’m working from home today. Some things are a little stressful in my life now. Work is ok. I love what I’m doing … but I feel a lot of my skills aren’t fully put to use. For the amount of money they are paying me, which is really good by the way, I’d rather be doing more video motion graphics work … since that’s where I want to improve. I’m a little sick and tired doing web stuff. I think I’ve gone pass that, or even flash … I’m just not interested anymore. Nothing excites me in those areas anymore. But do I stay because the money is good? While there is some sense of security there … something feels missing. I don’t know what. I’m trying hard to build a relationship with my colleagues over there … I’m trying really hard. No one greets you back when you wish them ‘Good Morning’ here. I don’t like this culture. I don’t want to be like them. I will change the environment. Doesn’t matter if they don’t greet me, I will do it instead. It’s either you conform to the environment or you influence the environment. I’d rather influence. I love Thursdays and Fridays. I feel really relaxed and stress free when I’m at AYA. I’d like to think of it as a time to recharge before going through Monday to Wednesday again. I feel like crap on Fridays, knowing that I won’t be in on Monday. Sigh. What am I doing? I feel so disconnected at AYA now and I get depressed. Every week I come in, something new happens and I’m not aware of it. I don’t know the latest developments anymore. Don’t want to talk about lunch time. People I want to spend time with talking over lunch … either they are too busy with work and don’t care or they would rather tahpau or have their own plans. Things have changed so drastically over these few weeks. I’m not sure if it’s the workload that is taking a toll on things or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’ve outlived my usefulness there. Who knows where else He’s gonna take me. If this is the price to pay, then I’d rather throw away the extra income and be happy about it. I’ve been getting freelance jobs at a steady rate. Which is good … but sometimes I get tired and ask myself … “Why the heck am I doing this? I should be relaxing and enjoying my time at home”. Sigh. I’ve been going through the book of ACTS at the moment, right up to chapter 21. All I can say, after studying it this far is … “Stupid Jews”. It’s really amazing how God used Paul. I’ve been asking myself this question … would I have lasted through the prosecutions like how Paul did. I think not. Would I be happy knowing that I am prosecuted for my faith? A part of me would, and another part of me would want to smack them and cry out about the unfairness to God. Would I give up my faith if a gun was pointed to my head and all it takes to spare my life is to renounce my faith. Of course no. I’d rather die than to give it up … but it gets harder when others are involved. If the gun was pointed at someone I love? Would I give up my faith? The answer is a ‘no’ again, and I hope that person knows that … but would I live in guilt if that person dies and all it took to save his/her life was just me giving up my faith? I don’t know … I need the fullness of His grace and mercy to live through it the rest of my live. It gets tougher and tougher when you put yourself into many situations. If you were tied up and watched them rape your wife and all it took is for you to give up your faith? Painful. I’m sure these things did happened before. There is one thing I know for sure, through the many pains and suffering, if it’s for God, He will always, always honour it. What you lost, He restores. It’s comforting to know that he keeps the tears that we shed, because He cares about us that much. 0 comments Archives nothing |
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