about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Friday, November 30, 2007
Birthday.
[ 1:37 pm ] Phew. Finally … I have time to sit down and … chill. So, how was my birthday? Well, let’s see … I woke up in the morning and went to the ColdRoom in SS13 to get the lamb chops and chicken wings for tonight’s BBQ. I think, I love purchasing meat. I love looking at the butcher sawing the lamb into … well, lamb chops. So cool. Spent a fortune buying the ingredients and all. Let’s see, after that I went home and started on my work. It was fun preparing the lamb … the fat is kinda gross, it sticks to your fingers. I marinated the lamb Greek style, not sure how it’ll turn out since I improvised a bit. As for the chicken wings, I prepared 3 different marinades … one is purely experimental, I wonder how that would turn out? We’ll know later tonight. Jenny prepared the beef kebabs already, just don’t know what time she’ll be delivering it. Charlene woke me up this morning; she’s making the deserts now. I was counting the number of chicken wings I have, I don’t think it’s enough …. Off I went to the ColdRoom again and bought another 2kg. I’ve not prepared the potatoes yet … need some rest. Went over to my aunt’s and Charlene’s place just now to get some plastic stools for tonight. I don’t think I have enough chairs … hmmm … will think of something. So, how was yesterday like? It was really hectic for me, though it was nice to receive all the well wishes. Some from people I’d least expect, hehe … but it was good. Eric and Doreen called me out for dinner, so we went to Manhattan Fish Market, Subang Parade. I thought it was really sweet of them to spend some time with me on my birthday. Really nice couple, I cherish them a lot. They bought a little Secret Recipe’s brownie to celebrate … and I thought that was the SWEETEST thing ever. In my heart, I was really thanking God for His love through friends. This is so much better than last year. How do I feel? I don’t feel old, in fact, I feel alive. Maybe because I know there are people that care about me. I’m 28 now; I better start appreciating the people that are around me. This is what this whole BBQ is about. It’s not about me and my BIG day, it’s me appreciating the people that are around me. I don’t know how else to show it already. I really don’t know how things will be like tonight, but I sure hope they’ll have fun … and the food better not suck. I hope there’s enough food to go around … hmmm … You know, I thank God for things that are in store for me. Thanks for the car; it’s a lovely early birthday gift. Thanks for the job advancement. Thanks for the gratitude. Thanks for the cares and concerns. You ARE good, though there are things I don’t understand … I’ll choose not to understand them because it’s not for me to understand, I guess. At the end of the day, I know You love and care for me, that’s more than enough. 0 comments Monday, November 26, 2007
BBQ. Car.
[ 5:35 pm ] Hmmm ... gonna go pick the car up later, Sunil is gonna be helping me out. Ok, I am feeling a little anxious .... but not elated. Argh ... bugger with analysing my own feelings. In a way, I am happy. There you go. My seating position changed today ... now my new colleague is sitting next to me. It feels ... uncomfortable, haha. Suddenly like no more privacy ... oh well, doesn't matter. Not like I'm slacking off or anything. I'm taking a 5 minute break now, and besides, it's about time to go home. I've bought all the stuff for the BBQ yesterday night. There goes the huge chunk of money. Bought a new BBQ Pit and 2 workbences to put the pit on. I'm hoping mom could get the lamb and chicken wings for me ... I don't know where to get them for cheap. Charlene is making desert for me while Jenny offered to do kebabs. Sweet gals. Thanks. Quite a number of people will be late, but it's ok, house won't be able to accommodate everyone all at once. I've sent out some invitations through email, was hoping for most of them to reply ... guess most people don't know what RSVP mean .... it's French for répondez s'il vous plaît btw, in other words it means PLEASE RESPOND. I don't know what to expect from all of this. I just wanna have fun, take my mind off things and just ... BBQ! I've never organised a birthday thingy for myself before, don't know if anyone would like the things I'm making. I guess there's a first for everything. Kinda sad that some people I love won't be making it :( Old friends. Now ... where to find that cool apron ... 'Kiss the chef'? 0 comments Friday, November 23, 2007
Crap.
[ 3:23 pm ] Feeling a little 'out' today. Don't think it's depression or anything ... just 'out', whatever that means. I tried to blast some music this morning to help me concentrate on work, it worked for a while ... then suddenly, it wasn't effective anymore. Maybe I'm not used to sitting along here now ... few times wanted to turn my chair around to talk to Rachel, then I remembered, she's in US, bleh. I am going insane. Doesn't show on the face, but, I am going insane. Nah, kidding. Just crapping. A little update on the car, guess I won't be getting it today, only on Monday or Tuesday. Dalam process they say. Anyways, doesn't bother me much. Patience. Just had lunch at Burger King, nah, went alone .... good to have lunch alone sometimes. Drains the energy away when you're having lunch in a group, I know it recharges SOME people, just that I'm not those people. See, I might be difficult after all. People like me need to renew their mind all the time. Flush out all the negative thoughts. Fill it up with good things like God's promises and all. So, I'm flushing mine out now. If I were to list down every thoughts I have here, every living being that I know of would probably want me dead. Sorry, you don't have the pleasure of doing so. Eh, crapping again. I'm designing the new THINK site now. It's taking a lot of my time, but a promise is a promise ... so, I'll honour mine. Refreshing myself with JOOMLA! again. Have not touched it since who knows when. Hate starting a site from scratch. Bleh. Anyways, I'm hoping to get done up by end of the year. Christmas animations have not started yet, still waiting for them to illustrate .... then it's a race against time. Can we complete it on time? I sure hope so. 'Some' girl told me the other day that she's happy I've become a 'good man'. Right. Good man. If only you knew. Sorry God, I am so cynical. Too blinded to see what's so good about that. Being good ... hmmph. Good man ... good man ... good man ... what an overused phrase. HAH! Being cynical again :) Eh, crap mode again. How much more do I have to go through this monotonous life? I'm tired. FINE. Things are going good for me. I should be happy, and yet I'm not. "You need Jesus in your life, my brother" DON'T MAKE ME SMACK YOU. Eh, crapping again. Sorry. kthxbai! 0 comments Thursday, November 22, 2007
Some update.
[ 3:46 pm ] I could just sit down ... and pour out everything about life ... but, that's all I ever do, huh? It starts to bore me when I think too much about things that are happening around me. Doesn't interest me anymore. Maybe I'm looking forward to greater things and major changes. Yeah, maybe. Or maybe I've changed, or maybe not. I don't know. There still are things that never cease to wonder me. A child holding her dad's hand while walking. Somehow when I saw that, I knew I want that. Maybe because I never had it ... maybe I forgotten. There's always something beautiful when I see that in front of my eyes. Maybe I've gone soft. Maybe I've grown a little older and now looking forward to having a kid of my own? Must be the aging that's messing me up. One thing at a time ... So, God, can I have that picture one day? Mom has been really nice lately ... maybe 'coz I'm leaving AYA end of the year and moving on the working world again. Who knows? Things are looking good, I'm happy ... but things could be better. How much can I do? I feel so stretched at work. Thank God I'm used to really tight deadlines, otherwise I'd be dead by now. It's been amazing, I'm doing things that have direct impacts now. As worldly and humanly as it may seem, yeah, it does satisfy me when I see my work up. Am I allowed to feel this way? What about being humble and all? Just made the full payment for the car yesterday evening, if everything's fine, I should be seeing it tomorrow ... or early next week. Anyways, doesn't matter to me. Yeah, it's fun and all having a car now, but .... never mind lah ... I doubt anyone would understand this part. Maybe, I'm taking things for granted ... but I do thank God for it. He knows I'm happy, but how come it's not really showing up on my face? Muka macam batu :D Ok ok ok Count and thank your blessing! I've invited a few people for a little belated birthday BBQ next Friday. I'm really wondering how many people will turn up? I didn't really invite that many people ... only people that I knew and am close with. Well ... I guess it doesn't really matter at the end of the day, right? I don't know what to feel. And I didn't felt like inviting the whole world. It's kinda hard to define friends, huh? Maybe I'm a people pleaser afterall, not wanting to offend people. Hmmmm .... Anyways, things should not be complicated when we simplify ourselves. Easier said than done. Take out the emotional baggages, and it'll be easy. I've always envy the simple minded, and I've come across a few. They don't question. They follow. They don't worry. They believe. Amazing. I'm not saying this out of sarcasm honestly. FUnny how people want to be opposite of what they are when their weaknesses are revealed. Maybe I don't want to be simple, I just want the attribute of those who are simple, all the while maintaining what I already have. That would be better. It's such a challenge sometimes. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to packing my office stuff in a box at the end of the year. It feels a little sad. I've made home at my little corner. Too comfortable. I've always wondered if these idiots even care if I'm not around. Bodoh. Anyways, out of sight, out of mind. Sad. Sad. Sad. Been trying not to take things personally. It worked out quite ok these few weeks and I'm on the right track again. I still believe humility breeds respect. As much as I hate submitting myself to things, but I know one day, I'm bound to come across another idiot like me. Better to know how to handle myself before handling other people. Hmmmmm ... all these suddenly sound so weird to me 0 comments Wednesday, November 21, 2007
No Leave.
[ 4:40 pm ] Argh ... I planned to take a week off next week ... and now I can't :\ Now I have to finish FHM's website by end of this month. How lah. I really really need a break. Sigh :\ 0 comments Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Progression.
[ 2:55 pm ] I'm not pleased with my personal development and progression. I want more. 0 comments Monday, November 19, 2007
Deserving.
[ 6:06 pm ] I feel I deserve a much needed break. I've not had time for myself this year ... and I mean ... really, time for myself. I'm taking a week off next week ... ummm ... haven't told my boss about it yet, I'll mention tomorrow lah. Thinking of going for a drive somewhere since I'll be having the car by then already. Maybe I'll go visit a few people for lunch while they are working mwahahaha. I haven't had a meal with David Gary for a while now, next week would be good. Had a good time catching up with Kanmani last week over MSN. Hope she finds a job in the states, otherwise she's gonna be back here for good ... hmmm ... hey wait, that would be good. Woman, there's no place like home sweet home lah. Celine will be back first week of December, so good to have friends back now :) Becky is getting married in January, now I have to make flight reservations to Miri .... argh ... have to spend more. So happy for her ... finally tying the knot after 9 years being together! That's crazy man. This is like the longest relationship I've ever known!! Over the week I've been feeling up and down, I'm trying to pick myself up again, and I know I'm quite capable of that. Only thing that is pushing me forward are the assurances He gives me. If there's a time for positive thoughts, it would be now. Hahaha ... I think I'm a pretty good self-motivator. Had a really long talk with Eric last Saturday morning at McDonalds, thank God for good friends that I could talk to, otherwise I'd be more messed up. God is good. Car is suppose to be here this week, just don't know what day ... am I feeling anxious and all? To be honest ... I can't find it in my heart that kind of excitement. Indifferent. It's such a major step in my life now ... and yet, I don't feel much. Sure, I feel happy and all, but ... the excitement ... I've lost it. If you're gonna strap me into a rollercoster, it 'aint gonna help much. Maybe other things excite me. True. Contemplating whether to save money to get a new acoustic guitar or an electric guitar now ... since Daniel Lee suggested that I should pick up electric ... and SINCE he so offered to mentor me, why not? :D It took me a long time, but deciding to serve in Actstream did came in progressions. I didn't enjoyed myself when I was in the choir, but I knew I would enjoy being behind an instrument. I keep telling myself last time that I'm just the type of person that serves in the background, true, I believe that, but now I believe I could do both. I can find myself in the middle. Only thing left to do, is to change the mentality. 0 comments Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Quote
[ 5:00 pm ] One man's mistake, is another's opportunity. -Me Seems to be true in everyday life. Otherwise you won't hear of people being taken advantage of, companies being bought over, etc. 0 comments
Eternity.
[ 2:10 pm ] I decided to work from home today … feels quite relaxing not being in an office environment, and still be able to do your work. I did a little home network so that my I could access my files from the laptop to my desktop for work. Easy. Someone once called me a nerd and a geek, can’t remember who. Can’t deny that I’m not, I mean, who else would love gadgets and techy stuff? I love useless gadgets … just for novelty sake, hahaha … so as long it looks cool, I’ll take it man. Mom has been rather kan-cheong with the new car and all … I mean, I’m not even like that. Don’t expect me to call the dealer everyday to ask about it lah. It’ll arrive when it arrives. Maybe it’s just my nature, hmmm … maybe this is what they call being phlegmatic? Call it whatever; I just call it … trust and patience. Rachel is in US now, must be having fun I bet … hope she’s able to get the iPhone, mwahaha. Slowly I find my perfectionist attitude surfacing again … suddenly I want this year’s Christmas’ animation to be the best ever. Wait, was that for my satisfaction? Or for God? Ok … it was for my satisfaction, sorry, but in the end God is glorified, right? Stupid flesh. I got 6 more weeks left. That doesn’t feel that long … I wonder if I’ll really miss the place. That’s what happens when you’re at one place for so long, too comfortable with your own circle and thinking that’s all there is. It’s very hard to break away. I know I’m doing the right thing, besides, this wasn’t my decision alone, we made it together … well, at least He provided the opportunity. I keep on thinking how BIG next year would be, maybe because I’m so tired of 2007. Tired, yeah … kinda like an emotional drain. It’s been up and down … very soon, it’s gonna come to a complete year end. I often wonder if those Brands essence of chicken ever work, coz I could use some now. Funny, I gave some away … but never drink it myself, hahaha. I had a dream few nights ago. There was someone I knew holding a little baby … and smiling. Hmmmm … wonder if it was random. Let’s see if it’ll happen in real life :) It would be a really joyful occasion, haha. Dreams … I haven’t had any dreams these few nights that would leave a lasting impression … as a matter of fact, for few weeks already. Maybe when your mind is relaxed … you don’t get dreams!? I was talking to Adeline earlier on skype, she was commenting on one of my favourite song, Iris from City of Angels … another favourite movie of mine. I think I could be the only guy who loves that movie. Maybe I’m a romantic; I dunno … the whole notion of someone giving up eternity for you awes me. The tragic thing is … it lasted only for a day before God took her home; even then, it was worth it. It was worth it. It was worth the choice that he made, it was worth risking what he had, it was his ultimate sacrifice. He would rather have an instant with her, rather than eternity without her. Wow. Am I capable of making such choices? Even after 9 years, this movie still left quite an impression on me. 0 comments Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Friends.
[ 2:36 pm ] I wonder where's life taking me? I can't really imagine where I'll be 5 years from now ... that would make me 33? What would I be doing then? Would I have established myself securely in my career? Would I have my own home by then? Will I still be willing to serve in Actskids playing the guitar? I really don't know, hahaha. But one I know for sure is that I'll still be in ACTS. Deciding to root yourself further in this house didn't really took much thought actually ... surprisingly. Sure there were times I really didn't like how some things were done, I bitched about it, complained, ran with it, supported it ... funny. Good to have a place to call home. I really have no idea what I'll be facing in the future, things as it is aren't exactly going the way I want it to be anyways, but that doesn't mean it's not good ... just that it's different. At least one thing I know that He's in this with me. Isn't it better to not expect things constantly and be surprised with the things He's gonna give you? 'Surprise' ... that's the element I really need now. Few days ago I was doing a little list of names of people ... friends, so to speak. I listed down EVERYONE I know ... or knew. To my surprise, it was quite a long list. Then ... I began to separate the names, listing them according to the level of friendship we have. Then I broke it further to people that I genuinely cared about, then further down to people that I could rely on ... the names got fewer and fewer. In the end ... I was only down to a few names. Hmmm ... God, I don't have many good friends, I could use a few more, you know the crap I go through, so adding a few more names wouldn't hurt, would it? You took some away, but revealed also those who were there all along ... but why not ... NOT take ANY away, huh? I know friends are just one of Your ways of taking care of us. Let me measure how rich I am not by what I have, but the friends I have. Aren't friends there to double our joys and divide our sorrows? Yeah, bagi sini sikit! 0 comments Monday, November 12, 2007
Routines?
[ 9:08 pm ] I think I have this ability to study human behaviour based on their pattern of actions. Hmmm … another useless skill I have? Dunno. I wrote before that everyone has a pattern, something like musical notes, everyone has a ‘song’, sometimes their notes change, the feel of the song changes … but it’s still vaguely a familiar song … hope that’s not confusing. What is the point of knowing the following pattern when we’re powerless in changing it? See … another useless skill to have. Knowing something but can’t do anything about it, might as well don’t know it? Eh … hmmm … anyways, random talk. I’m starting to hate routine a lot. It’s the same cycle every morning till night. I’m gonna try something different everyday now, eat something different, drive differently, use different routes, speak a little different, appreciate different music, etc … God gave us so many varieties in life, isn’t it sad that we’re only happy with what we’re familiar with? I find that very sad now :) Time for a change of perspective. 0 comments Sunday, November 11, 2007
Remember.
[ 6:49 pm ] There are some things that I’ll never understand … and probably will never understand. It never ceases to mess my train of thoughts … “What the heck? Sorry, I don’t understand”. These few days, I’ve been struggling to understand something, I have no clue. My little human mind couldn’t comprehend the bigger things that were happening. If there was one super-power I wish I had, I wanna read people’s thoughts and what’s in their heart. That’s cheating. So? Shoot blindly better issit? The head tells you to be cautious, but your heart tells you to be courageous. Has it always been a conflict? Head, heart, head, heart. Never ending. I remember the prophecy that was spoken over me by Mr. Connor 2 years ago ... about how I delve in my thoughts too long looking at things in many different angles, he said that people who usually win are those that pick a side, fight for it till the end. I will fight. I might as well throw the 'benefit of a doubt' that I've been giving people and be a little firm in my decisions. Anyways, can’t wait to get the car later this week. Finally, I won’t be at anyone’s mercy. I guess some people don’t know how it feels like, having to rely on other people to get you around, sometimes it’s a hassle for them, sometimes when you ask them, you get nasty remarks or retorts, well, good thing I have kind friends, and I remember kindness. It’s good to be able to have wheels to travel anywhere and whenever I want. NOW I can go far. Thank you God :^) I remember. I remember every word, every action, every motion, everything. Better believe it. 0 comments Thursday, November 08, 2007
Awake
[ 2:54 am ] I'm still wide awake at 3am ... online with Daniel trying to meet our freelance deadline this Friday. Hmmm ... really have to work hard for money, eh. Sigh. 0 comments Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Said.
[ 11:39 am ] I'm often at a lost of what to say when something bad happens to someone, I could make it worse for them :\ So I've resorted to using God's word instead, can't go wrong with that. This is quite the shitty year, the same as last if not ... maybe slightly better. I might as well make the best of it before the year ends. I know things will be different next year, honestly, I can't wait to meet the new year. If what I've seen is true, 2008 is gonna be great. I want to move, do great things with impacts ... and start making money again. I don't see anything wrong with that, you'll come to a point in life that you'd need to make money. Priorities change when you get older. I'm still serious about my dreams, how I'm getting them, I'll leave it to Him, He got better ones I bet :) Su Chee's car got stolen yesterday, but I know she'll be fine. She's tough enough already, after all I still believe she makes the best out of the worst. Still do. Anyways, there'll be 3 new colleagues joining us this month. I wonder how they'll be like. Rachel's leaving to US for a whole month, and Michael will be ending his internship soon. It's gonna be quite lonely outside where I'm sitting. Thinking about it ... it's gonna be a whole lot lonelier for Rachel next year since I won't be at my seat anymore .... I think I'll miss my little corner. Sigh. To think I've been in AYA for 3 years now ... that's quite long :) I wonder in what ways I'll be supporting AYA next year ... gonna come up with something. 0 comments Monday, November 05, 2007
Summary
[ 2:03 pm ] Friday Turned down an oppurtunity to work on a TV Spot for Dove, sigh. If only the deadline wasn't on the 17th of this month. I have this year's Christmas animation to worry about, that's more important. Saturday Had Christmas practice, fun ... then had to rush to KLPac for production crew meeting ... which I didn't attend 'coz I was late. Bleh. Sunday Another meeting before Sunday Service ... bleh ... then rush to KLPac ... late again, missed the video testrun. I've been missing this and that, what the heck is wrong. This year's award was good, I liked it. I couldn't remember much of the night 'coz I wasn't really having fun and felt really uncomfortable around large crowd. No place to camo myself since the place quite ... opened. The only thing that I thought was really beautiful and moved me was ... the wheelchair dance by Sia Ling Ling. That was really ... beautiful. Today Came to work late 'coz I needed to go the bank to sign the car loan agreement. I think I signed more than 40 plus signatures ... freaking lots of signatures ... and most the signatures were not consistent hahaha. What's left to do now is to settle the downpayment and we're good to go! It was a good experience buying a car. More to come. 0 comments Archives nothing |
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