about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Saturday, June 24, 2006
Saturday
[ 8:42 pm ] Woke up around 10 this morning, had good rest. Can’t recall the last time I ever had a peaceful sleep. Strange dream though … my favourite black shirt was torn all over the place … sigh. Anyways, I hate doing household chores, but I had to do it. I might be a messy guy with a messy room (should see my brother’s room), but there’s a level of untidiness I can’t tolerate. The house was not swept for a while now I think, hahahaha … so I did just that. Did the laundry, swept, vacuumed AND mopped my room. Ironed the clothes … did I ever mentioned how much I hate ironing? I think I did. Bloody creases … no matter how much water you sprinkled on it … damn creases. I hate ironing. My mom seems to be better at ironing than me. All in all, I spent a total of 4 hours. Never knew it would take that long. Wanted to wash the floor outside, but it started to rain, oh well. I’ll make my brother do it tomorrow afternoon. Since all he ever does now is feed the dogs and boil drinking water. Took a little rest after that and did some heavy reading. Managed to get the book I wanted, it was quite easy to find, someone told me it’s quite rare these days … mana ada? Anyways, the book was an eye opener to me. Thought I knew it all, but really, I only knew 60-70%. Had a little chat over the phone yesterday night, it was pleasant. Hmm … Kanmani mentioned earlier that she’ll be back in a couple of week’s time, time to catch up a little with her. Hopefully she doesn’t take too much of my time hahahaha … have not seen her for … exactly a year now? Wow … time sure flies. I took a drive to Cold Storage around 4 something. No, I was not feeling depressed. I needed to get a few groceries and supplies for the week I can spend hours and hours there man … so many things to look at :O I’m starting to be a compulsive buyer … couldn’t control … so I bought … quite a ‘few’ items … don’t ask me why and what … damn packaging … damn advertising … best to shop with someone. I end up buying things that I think I need, but actually don’t, hohohohoho … oh the irony of winning The Great Singapore Sales. On the way back to the car park with my shopping bags, I heard a loud ‘crack-bang’. I turned around; a lady in a wira came out of the parking lot scraping the car next to it. I was staring at her. What would she do? Speed off? I memorise her car number plate. She came down of her vehicle and had a look at the car she just ‘scraped’. The lights were broken and there were dents. I wonder what she’ll do. She took a walk back to her car, had a look at her damages … got on and sped off. She looked like she was wearing a nurse uniform. Now, here am I with my shopping bags looking while this was going on. What was I going to do? I stood there for a moment … got into my car and sat there thinking. Should I write a note for that poor victim with the perpetrator’s car registration number and my mobile number (witness)? Ok, I was going to do that … then I saw a man and a woman walking towards the car. The man told her what transpired. I walked towards them and offered my eye account of the crime … hahaha … crime … wait, it was a crime. After I’ve done being a kepoh, I went along my merry way. 0 comments Friday, June 23, 2006
Hmmm.
[ 5:19 pm ] These few days have been quite frustrating to me. A lot of things have been happening, but thank God I’m not trap in the whirlpool. I know how wonderful it is to be cared for by someone, there’s a side of me that’s wanting been so much to give, to devout, to care, to … everything, hahaha … but I need to learn how to receive as well. This is getting to be a bit of a problem for me. I need to learn to receive and not keep on giving … where is the balance? 0 comments Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Waiting.
[ 7:47 am ] I am waiting ... wanting to see You move in our lives. Thank you for loving us. Teach me and guide me for your road leads to still waters and green pastures. I want us to be where You are ... umm without us dying and going to heaven :) 0 comments Thursday, June 15, 2006
I'm tired.
[ 8:26 am ] I’m tired. I’m tired of how you people know and act in such childish manner. I’m tired of conspiracies. I’m tired of the looks I received. I’m tired of the way they look, always constantly watching. I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m tired. Not Fu**ing genuine. Sorry, God, I cursed … what do you want me to do? Or not to do? We talked everyday and You’ve been faithful to me, I believed everything was in Your hands and I still do, but I don’t understand. Are You punishing me? Why are Your people doing these things? I don’t understand. I really don’t, although I could only guess and hope I’m wrong. This feels retarded all the time God. Who am I to understand Your plans for me? How am I able to comprehend Your works? I want to put all my worries away and marvel at You, but I find it hard to do that God, and I’m honest about it. Take all theses nonsense away from me God. Please. I’m tired. 1 comments Sunday, June 11, 2006
A week.
[ 11:20 pm ] Ahhh … finally, I get to sit down, clear my thoughts and reflect upon the week … and what a week it was. I don’t know where to start :) Ok … I’m blank … where and how to start. Hmmm … I think God wanted me to learn about patience last week. I had the notion I was the most patient guy in the whole universe (really), but deep down I get upset and pissed when things don’t go according to plans or when people disregard rules, social etiquettes, norms, etc. How lah wei? I find myself wanting to take control over situations or scenarios because it doesn’t bear fruit or seeing things handled inefficiently. Wah … talking as if I’m damn perfect, haha. God said patience produces perseverance. I’m still learning that. It’s amusing how I can be so patient with some people and yet flip with some people. Tsk tsk. “Be patient and you will finally win, for a soft tongue can break hard bones” Proverbs 25:15 What the heck … I’ve been quoting the Bible. Anyways, I find myself growing more in faith with God. Hmm probably at a level that I’ve never experienced before. So far, He answered most of my prayers :) I’m glad we’ve been talking again. It’s good to start afresh with Him. With each time I spent talking openly to Him, I find more blessings coming my way, simply amazing. No point lying to God, He knows anyways, might as well come clean ;) The week passed with some ups and downs … but mostly downs because I couldn’t keep some negative emotions in check. Weird vibes. It’s as if something is happening, but without you knowing it … you get what I mean? Someone encouraged me yesterday. Somehow it amount to something and I was happy. It came with a piece of advice as well, “DROP YOUR DEFENCE MODE” Fuah … so powerful. When I read that, I began to wonder, have I been so defensive? Hmm … maybe. Just being cautious. I should stop being so critical and suspicious. Experience thought me otherwise though; it’s not easy to put your trust on anyone just like that :) Still perfecting my mind reading abilities … kidding :D I shared my testimony during prayer service last Monday. I really didn’t want to go for prayer service, but I had to, ‘coz I promised God if I won the GSS, I would glorify Him. I have to keep my side of the bargain. Never liked being on stage … alone. I don’t become myself suddenly. Stage persona, hahaha. Anyways, it was good to get that off my chest, some people didn’t get what I was sharing wor … how come? My inglish too tera? I neber quote from Bible, cannot understand? Ok Ok Ok … Oh, sent mom and sis to KLIA this evening. They should be on the plane to Zurich now. Home alone for a month. Ahhh … bachelor pad. Let’s see how long we can maintain the house in pristine condition. I’m just happy to have a set of wheels to move around now. Convenient. I hope mom and sis gets along in Europe, sometimes traveling with family can be quite stressful, if you know what I mean ;) I’m thinking of watching Cars. Heard it was quite well animated … hmm … who to drag. Arghh …. 0 comments Sunday, June 04, 2006
I'm cheap.
[ 9:36 pm ] Went to Sunway Pyramid for a little shopping run right after church service today. Some said they’ll join up, but never did, doesn’t matter, I’m fine being alone. So, off I went! I needed to get new clothes for myself and a nice pair of cheap sports shoe, since the one I have now is about 8 years of age. Didn’t know Power shoes lasts that long. Guess what? I bought the same brand again for 50 ringgit hoping that it’ll last me for another 8 years. I’m cheap. Bought a couple of T-shirts, the designs aren’t too fancy or crude, but I like it. Besides, they were on 50% sale. Armed with 260 ringgit, I bought what I could. Meh … used about 170 today. I don’t usually spend that much of money on clothes. I hardly buy any. You guys see me wearing the same thing over and over again. It’s quite pathetic. My mom had a look at the T-Shirts I bought, and commented “Aren’t you a little too old to wear these?” No. I don’t think so. I think I’m still young. I like dressing up in comfortable T-Shirt and Jeans. No formal shirts and slacks for me. I feel weird; it’s as if age’s creeping up on me … hahaha. You feel and act different when you wear a shirt and slacks, almost … unnatural. I spent about a nice 4 half hours there. Place was really crowded … all sorts of people. Pyramid is quite a special place to me, though 1Utama is the ‘specialest’ (made up that word). Many memories there, I remember the days when I had to take an Intrakota bus to 1Utama … ummm … never mind. Used to walk to Pyramid from Sunway College after my classes to lepak … alone. It was quite a normal thing for me to do back then. No car, take public transport. I’ve learned to HATE Metrobuses, and I still hate them. I hope the company goes bankrupt. They don’t deserve to be on the road. Anyways, back to Pyramid :) The place has changed so much over the years. They are constructing Pyramid II now (inventive name), probably competing with 1Utama. I think shopping malls are getting a little too huge for me. I’ve not cover 1Utama … come to think of it … I don’t think I’ve explored the whole damn place, the new wing at least. By the way, did I mentioned that Italianese serve one of the best crème brulee?? I was a little hungry, so stopped over at the Chicken Rice Shop for lunch. Why? I’ve never tried it before. I’ve learned to experience new things every now and then … cannot stick with safe things all the time. Anyways, I hated lunch. At least now I know not to go into that joint anymore. Having lunch alone felt … strange. Though I was able to do it without any problems back then, but now it feels … unnatural. Dunno how to explain the feeling. I picked a nice corner for myself :D Had a headache after lunch (I think it’s the weather). More to the point, I felt a little de-motivated as I went on. Beginning to feel pointless about doing anything on my own anymore. Company is good. Yeah, I’d appreciate that. Sigh … Monday … Monday … back to work. I wonder what’s in store for me this week. What God wants me to learn this week? I wonder. I’ve been getting weird vibes and feelings from my surroundings these past weeks. I trust my feelings a lot, when I know something is wrong, it is. Just need to pinpoint it, and when I do, it’s almost always correct. Do you think I’m paranoid? I don’t think so. Wait … is that denial? Gut feelings don’t lie. I wonder if there’s a can of worms waiting for me :) I think I’ve matured and experienced enough to handle anything that comes my way. 0 comments Saturday, June 03, 2006
Looking for a corner
[ 9:48 pm ] So here I am, running away from the world. Crowds of people are not my thing. Go social a little, they say. Go make some friends. I feel like a kindergarten kid sometimes, having to put in the effort to mix and mingle around. It takes so much effort, though some people do it effortlessly making pretentious superficial talk (I think it’s called socializing), I can’t do that. It’s either I’m interested or I’m not. When I put in the effort, all the more it looks fake and I feel rotten not being true to myself. Making uninteresting small talks, anything deep will scare people away. I’m tired. I’d like to meet people with the same interest at a pace I can follow. Not interested in acquaintances. They come and go. It’s really hard for me to get excited about …… anything at all. Sorry, I don’t share the same enthusiasm like the rest of the world. ANYWAYS … I think that’s enough ranting for a while. Just venting a little frustration. There are two things on my mind now, Trust and Gossip. I think it’s an interesting combination. Don’t you agree? Trust n. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. Gos·sip n. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. Where’s integrity? What happened to it? I think this world needs a lot more people with integrity, people that you could trust. I found a few, and killed a few from my list. “Fire goes out for lack of fuel, and tensions disappear when gossip stops.” Proverbs 26:20 “A gossip goes around spreading rumours, while a trustworthy man tries to quiet them” Proverbs 11:13 I’m being cryptic again. If you’re smart enough you’d understand what I mean. Hi! I’m on to you, oh wait you probably can't read this blog :D 0 comments Friday, June 02, 2006
Lazy to write.
[ 9:32 pm ] It’s been a while since I last posted. Hmm … so many things to write and yet so lazy to write them down at the same time. Anyways … maybe point form would be better. 1. Won “The Great Singapore Sales” Challenge, we got 2nd place and $6000 bucks. Who was it that said I can’t shop? I hope you’re reading this. The experience was good, I realised there are different sides of me that seldom portrayed itself emerged during the challenge. Gotta keep myself in check : Jack snored the first night. Thank God he didn’t snore for the next 2 days. I’m particular about people who snore … ANYWAYS … we won :) Expect to catch it on 8TV Quickie on the 11th of June. A lot of things happened during the trip, lazy to type it out … ask me personally. 2. Week was a little on the rough side, finding myself having weird mood swings. Shouldn’t let emotions take control, although hard to wrestle them, but I think I’m doing better now. 3. Its June now. Half of the year is gone. I wonder if I’ve done anything remarkable. Oh yeah, I won “The Great Singapore Sales” Challenge. Besides that? Let’s see …. Work improved a little, personal devotion improved a little, relationship with friends still the same, financial status improving a little, love life non existent or in pure denial, family unit still needs working on. Yeah … yippee … is that called progress? On the plus side, it’s good to know there’s someone out there that thinks like you, otherwise you end up feeling you’re the only silly one … or to be more positive, the only one feeling the rest of the world is silly. 4. Mom and sis will be traveling around Europe starting the 11th for a whole month. My brother and I will be left alone to take care of the house. Hmmm … knowing me, it’ll be a mess. I wonder. 5. I find myself getting agitated easily these few days. Need to learn control and keep cool. It’s quite easy to tell from my face. Hmmm … maybe that’s why people have been treading carefully around me, Rayson the ticking time bomb. Sorry guys. 6. Gonna go shop a little this Sunday. I need to get new clothes for myself. CHEAP NEW CLOTHES. There’s a sale going on in Pyramid, will be dropping there maybe with a few people. Don’t like to shop alone … need opinions. Thinking of getting a new Laptop bag, maybe one that looks like a backpack, current bag hurts my shoulders. 7. Jessica said that I walk as if I’m limping. Su Chee agrees. Hmm … maybe I do drag my feet when I walk, or maybe I walk like a gangster. Hmm … no wonder my shoes are all worn out with a slant. Ok, gotta walk properly now. 8. God is good. 0 comments Archives nothing |
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