about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Friday, July 21, 2006
I'm alive.
[ 9:06 pm ] It’s been quite a while now. I find myself having less to say nowadays, maybe it’s because I don’t seem to care about anything else anymore, or maybe I’ve just slowed down and grown older :) I’ve come to realised that someone is always watching your back, like everything that you do, somehow, someone knows it. Is that supposed to be comforting? Don’t be silly, it’s downright pompous and patronizing. Hahaha … me being sensitive again. I’ve been thinking a lot, I don’t think I’d ever want to ask any of my church girls out casually. Out as in makan, movie, chill out … nah don’t want to. Have to be very careful now. Hey, it’s good to be accountable, girls really should be accountable, however the problem lies when they themselves get the wrong idea :) Until then, I’ll enjoy the company of my regular friends, I don’t have to worry about anything. Money has been flowing out of my pockets like a mighty river … hmm … sounds like a church song … Umm … I think I’ve been spending a lot of money this month. That’s not good. I can’t imagine the amount that’s gonna turn up on my credit card bill this month. Thank God, freelance work has been coming in to cover up the expenditure. Slow but steady. Work has been rather … I don’t know what to say of it. I find myself doing less creative work now. A lot more on planning, cracking my head, thinking, visualizing, hoping, crying … I want to go back to honing my skills. As Ps. Alex said in one of our little one on one lunch, “Maybe this season of your life, God wants you to improve in this area”. I don’t think I suck in planning, thinking, etc … I just suck at delegating work. It pisses me off, sorry too strong a word to use … it works me up knowing that when you release responsibilities to people, somehow they don’t perform. Hey, I think it’s a problem. Usually, I’ll think of it as that person’s problem, but now, I think maybe I made the wrong call, or maybe I’ve not been motivating enough :D Perhaps my expectations of people are too high, my standards are a little too high to achieve … should I lower it down? I went to Doulous last Sunday. Once again, my expectation were too high … the banner read “The world’s largest floating bookstore” In my mind, I was thinking of this huge ocean liner, with several decks of floors filled with row and row of books … that’s how imaginative I was. I arrived to a ship … a mighty ship that’s older than my grandmother … she looked … classic. I was a little disappointed, there weren’t many books … maybe what they wrote in the banner was right … it’s the world’s largest floating bookstore because it’s THE ONLY floating bookstore?? The queue was really long. Took us about an hour. Oh yeah, something pissed me off, I swore if I wasn’t in my right mind I would had cursed and shouted at this family of 13 (including children) that cut through the queue … blatantly ignoring the rest of us who waited more than an hour. They gave us sheepish smiles. Now, why am I pissed? Fine, cut queue … I can forgive that. Cutting queue with children tagging alongside with you? What kind of example are you teaching your kids? How can parents be so irresponsible? Anyways, the whole family was way ahead of us now, what took us an hour, took them 10 minutes. Deep inside, I was infuriated … thank God I’m a Christian otherwise you’ll hear a volley of swear words. So, I told myself, maybe it won’t be that bad, who knows, maybe they’ll be saved in that ship? It was worth it when I thought of it that way. 0 comments Thursday, July 13, 2006
Lunch, not accomplish.
[ 2:36 pm ] So, here I am sitting down here wondering why I didn’t go for lunch. The crowd is just too weird for me.
1 comments Tuesday, July 11, 2006
What?
[ 12:17 am ] Life is really just full of ups and downs. How exciting it must be. Right. I’ve been feeling down today, thought I could hide it well, only to be out of control later in the afternoon, I guess you can only fake it for so long. I’m a master faker, can you tell what I’m feeling if I don’t show it? I doubt it. Not many people can, only very few. Why am I down in the gutter? Was it something someone said? Was it something that happened this morning? Did I recalled something that I thought wouldn’t happen and it’s about to happen? What the heck. Why am I worried? Do I doubt God? Tough questions. Why can’t I be blissfully happy every damn day of my life? Maybe one day I would, in Heaven. Wish I could pour out everything. 0 comments Archives nothing |
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