Depress.

I HAVE to go through this every month. Argh ... it’s that time of the month to settle the bills and everything, and I really, really LOATHE it. Last month was particularly tough. The insurance bill came, I was charged double by Fitness First, flight tickets to Kuching for Erica’s wedding, etc. All I’m seeing is money going out. With a heavy heart, I drove myself to the ATM machine in SS15 to withdraw the money for the bills. With every press of the digits I was thinking, am I’m going to go through this every month? I began to grumble. How come I’m not able to save this time round? I worked the math in my head, how come I’m not saving as much? As I walked out, all that was in my head was mental calculations of my expenditures and future expenses AND calculation how much I’ll try to save this month … totally oblivious to my surrounding.

There she was.

A lady, hanging around outside the ATM machines selling Chinese biscuits. She stopped and asked if I wanted to buy any? I smiled and shook my head, and began to walk off until I heard her said, “Please support a single mother”. I stopped, turned around and took a look at her basket. She spoke good English and was reassuring me that her goods were Halal … ummm … then I told her that I’m not Malay. I bought those sticky jelly siew pau thingy (argh, what’s the name?!) from her and she said thank you and God bless You. I walked to my car feeling much better than I did before. What are my problems compared to a struggling single mother selling Chinese biscuits outside a bank to make ends meet? I felt a little ashamed of my short sightedness. The bills I am going to pay are all privileges to the things I have and the conveniences I enjoy. Why complain? Be thankful that you are paying for a car, paying for insurance, paying to FLY to see your friend get married, paying to go to the gym to workout, etc. Be thankful.

I came home, did the bills and that’s it. I can’t believe I even thought about my tithe, can you believe it? No la, didn’t want to cheat, but I did had that thought … what if I didn’t pay …? My gawd … can’t believe I even thought about that. Immediately I took the money and put it into the tithe envelop and sealed it. There, I can’t rob God now. Out of sight, out of mind and into the offering bag this Sunday.

I know I won’t be seeing the guitar anytime soon this year …

Sigh.
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