about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Wednesday, April 01, 2009
What the ...
[ 11:00 pm ] I was going through my monthly bills … time to cut … hang on, there’s nothing much to reduce anymore. I’ve frozen my gym membership, and … that’s about it, unless I cut my phone and Internet line. There’s nothing much I can save on either. I can’t afford to give my mom money this month, which I’m pretty sure she’s upset and disappointed about but I can afford to tithe for another month. She casually asked how I’m going to settle my bills since I’ve not been looking for a job. Which part of the, “Mom, Ow and I are starting something on our own” that she doesn’t understand? Or has she ever been listening to what I’ve been saying for the past month? As it is, I feel severely glum about things but I try not to let it show, instead I cling on to whatever God has promised. Sometimes the only question that is running through my mind is, “God, why?” and eventually it becomes, “GOD, why?” and then “GOD,WHY?!?!” and then “GOD!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????” I feel heavy and I don’t like this feeling very much. Is God disciplining me because there’s something really important for me to learn from all of this? I don’t understand. It’s really hard to stay positive sometimes. Really, in times like these I really wish my dad was around to talk to. I can’t talk to my mom. What’s even MORE frustrating is that I’m finding it hard to translate my thoughts into words now? I can’t even recollect my thoughts efficiently anymore. Is this a sign of aging? Sigh. 0 comments Archives nothing |
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