about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Worms.
[ 11:50 am ] I think I'm beginning to drift really further apart from my family unit. I don't know why, but I feel a lot detached at the moment. Sometimes I really wonder if it makes a difference I'm around or not. This is not self pity. I am not beating myself with a dead seal. Just things that go through my mind. You know, it's great that I see the rest of them get along really well, but when it comes to me, I dunno ... perhaps I am too critical. I wish I had siblings that share the same interests as me. God, tell me why EVERY SINGLE ONE of us are different? How come other families can share things in common but mine is just too varied. Ok wait ... maybe just MY interests are different from theirs. I'm beginning to understand a lot about my dad's life now. It all makes sense. Yesterday's dinner was really weird. It's been a really long time since we went out as a family, I should be happy, but I guess I was just too damn tired after a long day. Suppose to buy dinner for mom and sis for their birthday, but I don't like last minute preparations ... or lack of preparations. Celebrating birthdays especially any of my family members are just really weird for me. Usually we'll have dinner somewhere ... like this. So, what do we talk about? I don't talk. Period. I find nothing interesting to share that would interest them, nor would they have the genuine interest of listening to anything I have to say. I rather keep to myself. I find that they don't appreciate my differences. They can't seem to understand nor comprehend that I don't share the same interests as them. Hence, I'm always the weird one out. WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?! Why is it that it's so much easier with friends? You know how they say, blood is thicker than water? Mine must be pretty diluted. Sure, every family have their own set of problems, I got mine. Or maybe I'm just the problem. Someone once said, don't expect others around you to change ... YOU be the change. Stupid fella, easier said than done. Talk is cheap. I remember the time when I first entered college right after my SPM. I had to move down here while my family remained in Muar. I could only visit them during breaks ... that's almost 6 months apart. Did I miss them? I don't know, but what I know was ... it was good to be back. Things were a lot better when you're apart. When you see them every single day, you tend to take things for granted. I have too many things going on in my life that I wish I could share about. Guess I'm one of those people that really need good friends to talk to. I want an elder brother, I want a father figure. They have been lacking in my life. My head is telling me to talk to God, since He knows far better than anyone else. I can't remember the last time I shared honestly with Him. Been carrying too many baggages. Yeah, I think I'm carrying too many baggages. One of these days, I'm gonna snap like a rubber band. Sigh. Forget what I said. I've taken a liking to classic jazz now :) Paid a close listen to the song 'The Girl from Ipanema' and found that it's actually quite a sad song. Poor guy, the girl in that song just mean. Tragic love, eh. Eh ... don't feel like writing anymore. 1 comments Archives nothing |
Previous Posts
Groove seul Ugh ... Simple, Starving to be Safe A change of pace Life Stupid People. I miss this place :) Runaway!! Archives April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 February 2004 July 2005 October 2005 December 2005 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 November 2006 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 April 2010 December 2010 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 September 2011 April 2012 |
1 Comments:
Hey, I thot I'm alone, having the same issue with family members. We talk but very superficial and very surface. My siblings and I don't share any similiar interest. And guess what I'm usually the odd one out. Now that I'm married, I hardly go back and would only go back whenever it's necessary. I don't call home and they don't call me unless it's necessary. So cynical eh.
October 21, 2008 5:12 pm
Post a Comment
<< Home