I’m writing this while listening to Anberlin’s lastest album that I gasak-ed from someone … I’m pretty much done with work here, all my tasks were completed. I should be working on something new now, but felt compelled to write my thoughts down.

I’m being offered a fulltime position here, with really nice benefits and a pretty nice pay-package (I need to double check this coz I think he’s crazy). I’ve been so transitory this year, from quitting AYA completely to ending up with an arrangement that only takes me away from AYA for 3 days a week only. Not a bad arrangement, I got a taste of the outside working world again. Immediately, it was refreshing to me. I had real challenges, dealing with idiots and what not. Somehow I felt God was slowly showing me what has to happen next :\ He was preparing a lot of things for me, making me a tougher person emotionally as well. I don’t want to doubt nor do I want to disbelief, I just need to do what I have to do.

It somehow saddens me when I think about the decision that I have to make now. Leaving AYA completely, I’ve not even spoken to pastor yet. I hope he won’t be taking this as a surprise. I’m not leaving with a bitter taste in my mouth nor is it about unhappiness working there. In fact, I’m leaving with quite a positive attitude; I want to be a man that provides. I don’t know how to provide, sadly. I never learned how to do that, or what it meant. As I get older, I’m starting to see things differently now … My mom, being the typical Asian mother that she is was lamenting on my wasted years in AYA without EPF, benefits, etc. Then I simply told her, God will honour my years spent in AYA, so I’m not worried. He will take care of me and my future. THAT, I am secure about.

I went to test drive the car with Sunil last Sunday. Quite happy with it. Ok, very happy with it. I still can’t believe I’m buying THAT car … although I liked it every much then, just didn’t realise that I could afford it. Have I been thinking so small and limiting myself? This is a good lesson that I’ve learned. So … I placed my RM500 booking already, just awaiting all the documents so I could get on with the loan application. I just hope I don’t get into any problems with the loan.

I was just talking to someone the other day about material wealth and how the world view successes in our lives based on the things that we have. I can hear the negative comments already when they see me driving that car :\ Hmm … I KNOW I’m not like that. I’m making a lot more money now, but I’ve also been spending a lot more on people I love now. Bless them while you have the money :D I bought 2 boxes of Beard Papa for the office from Pyramid the other day, cost me 30 bucks man … but it was just something that I wanted to do. I couldn’t afford it then to buy it for everyone, but I could now. Maybe I’m being reckless with my money, I dunno how else to show people I appreciate them. I know some will look at me differently; some won’t appreciate it, well, differences in love languages then. Money doesn’t buy you anything intangible, that I know well enough, but I value people more than money. If I could give up the money I have now to restore the broken relationships I have, I want to. That matters so much more to me. So, yeah.

Excited man. I’m gonna have a caaarrrrrrr :D Yay! The FIRST thing I’m gonna do is to take a few close people for a joy ride :) Ok ok … thinking too far ahead already … just like the Gingerbread man in Shrek :)