about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Friday, May 04, 2007
Unfair.
[ 7:52 pm ] It’s funny. So many times I told myself in the past, don’t be angry with the little things, they don’t matter. You’re just wasting your time being angry and hurtful. I’ve been trying hard to live by that, but sadly, I’ve rarely succeeded. I find myself being a little petty sometimes, wanting to hurt the person who hurt me emotionally. Very childish, but it’s something, I feel everyone is struggling with at one point in their life. As for me, I found myself in the same situation again. The simplest of words can be deadly. Sowing poisonous seeds to the mind, then to the heart. Growing into a tree of doubt. Sprouting fruits that is not of the Holy Spirit. Our flesh is weak, we anger easily. I’ve almost muted God in my head. Refusing to listen to Him. How childish of me …. “But that person hurt me, God … it’s not fair. I thought that person cared … it’s not fair, God.” See? Words, sowing poisonous seeds, growing a tree of doubt, sprouting rotten fruits. That is me. Today was one of the lousiest morning I’ve had, but strangely peaceful. Then I realised, it’s like déjà vu. I’ve been through this before. I felt this way before. I acted … or should I say, reacted this way before. WHY am I making the same decision again? Realising that, I decided to take a step to reduce the damage. You know, guys should always apologize first? Regardless of whether who’s right or who’s wrong … we should always apologize first. Bullshit. Every time I do, and what do I get? The word ‘loser’. Even when I do from the bottom of my heart, I get the word ‘loser’ in that person’s head. Should I even apologize then? I felt I had to. Principles. I hate conflicts. I want things to be fine and perfect, if it means losing my ego, pride and dignity in the process, I’ll just bite my tongue and do it. Most of the time, I doubt that person understands my heart. Words kill. Careful with words. Having a mouth doesn’t give you the license to kill. Words kill. But God is creative, He gave us ears. Deadly words spoken from the mouth goes into one ear and comes out the other. I shouldn’t allow it to pass my brain. This requires practice. I hate to rely on people. Always at their mercy. Even the people that I'm close to, kononnya can rely on them, always at their mercy. There are some that do come through for you, I've very grateful for them ... while some that I wish were more reliable, falls FLAT on the ground. I thought I was patient ... I just don't have enough of it yet. I need a lot more. I need to be more immune to words. Try to smile. BRING IT ON! 0 comments Archives nothing |
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