about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Friday, June 13, 2008
I am a living program.
[ 11:21 am ] I feel the need to pen down all my thoughts lately, I tend to forget 'important' things. Significant things that I want to say to someone, the things I want to do, ideas, inspirations, rants, but most importantly, the things I want to tell people. It's really dumb when I have so much to say in my head and at the same time unable to articulate it well in words. Something was really bothering me the past few days and it does drain you when you think about it too much. You play different scenarios in your head like a trained military strategist ... 'what if' situations, preparing counter measures, what to say 'IF', what to do 'IF', 'IF' this happens THEN what ... damn, it's like I'm writing a computer program in my head to act out different situations. I might as well be an Articifial Lifeform. Yes, I know I think too much. It might as well be a hobby, or maybe it already has. It's really hard to train my thought life when I have a REALLY active imagination. One of these days, I might even translate all these thoughts into short films. Awww ... I really wanna do that. In any case, back to the point. Yes, I was down in the gutter. Well, for a day only actually, haha. I was reminded by someone (Charlene actually) that even David at some points of his life kept asking himself, "Why are you downcast, oh my soul ..." through Psalms 42 - 43. But he's reminded to put hope in God. That little girl can be so sweet with her encouragements :) You know, as geeky as this may sound, if my life was nothing but a 'program' then I'm a 'variable'. I could change into any value I want ... and God would be that 'constant'. 'Coz I know for a fact that He doesn't change. If I could depend on Him last time, I could still do the same now. So, while I wallow in my misery, at least it's for a day now instead of weeks. You can only think so much. Thinking doesn't have any actions attached to it. In a way, for all you know, we think we're like God. Hoping that whatever we think will come to pass. I certainly can't think of creating the universe or even have the creativity to cover the whole Earth with millions of different lifeforms. When God 'thinks', it happens because He wills it. Sorry, I'm not capable of that, but I'm comforted that this God thinks of me :) So, while I sometimes can wallow in self pity, it's only for the shortest time now. He knows what's best for me ... now, all I need to do is to stop messing things up haha. I love the Aurora Borealis. I really want to see it within this lifetime. I've always thought it was something magical and romantic. I could only watch it on TV. Sad right? I've always loved staring up in the night sky, looking at the countless number of stars and occasionally spoting a satellite or two ... but I can't remember when I last did that. The night sky over here is too bright, you could only see the moon. I was asking Nate, since he's from Alaska if he saw the Aurora before. Seems to be common for them. At least I know I have a local guide if I ever get myself there. See, isn't it gorgeous? Oh, I'll be designing Suki's website, it should be up next week. Just in time for the needed cash since I've been bitching about it. I have the promo album on my table for 2 days now, haven't had a listen to it. The album cover looks ok, they really made her up in the studio photos. Well, I'm just hoping this goes well, haven't design any websites for a while now. A little karat. I wrote something really long for someone, maybe it isn't the right thing to do at the moment. 0 comments Archives nothing |
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