about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Friday, May 23, 2008
You Idiot.
[ 5:59 pm ] I was upset with what someone said yesterday. Actually, it felt like my self-esteem took a major blow. How can someone say something so insensitive? I mean, if it was a joke, I'm not even close to you to begin with to share that kind of 'comment'. It's quite easy to lose someone's respect, you just lost yours. What really baffles me is ... you're a leader in church. Sure, go ahead and give me the crap about how all of us are human, in that case, I suggest leaders watch what they say. You are accountable to every word that comes out of your mouth. Sure ... it was a joke ... tasteless at best, but I don't appreciate it. As far as I could remember, I've not said a single unkind word to you, heck, we don't even talk. I'm trying not to let it go into my head, sometimes it's hard when words really hurt. What can I do? I could retort a real nasty line to you, but wouldn't that put me on the same level as you? I'll let it slide this time. Sometimes, Christians are really their own enemies. I don't get this crap from non-Christians out here. Gosh, I really am disappointed. Sigh. Anyways, I shouldn't dwell on this much longer, but impressions on people do change. Leader konon, ptui. I wish I could list every idiot savants here. Sometimes your action aren't very 'leader-like'. Another reason why I refuse to be on leadership level now, I know I will stumble people. Take this blog post for example. Did I hear "Why aren't you showing grace?". I think I exercised a lot of grace yesterday. I did not retort, I did not hurl abuse, all I did was smile and walked away. That's as much grace you're going to get from me. I think I've gone soft. AAAAAAaaaaarrgggghhhhhhhh ... swollen toes. ANYWAYS, putting childish matters aside for now :) Gonna be having dinner with Eric later. It's the weekend again. Time really flies. Gonna be watching Indiana Jones this Sunday with some friends and then drop by Borders to see Mia Palencia perform :) As for Saturday, I think there goes my Saturday afternoon. Am still pondering if going for SALT is the right thing for me. I'm not holding any responsibilities at the moment. Talked to Ps. Alex about it, supposedly will get back to me, still waiting. I've been thinking about the thing where everyone goes, "If you love God's house, help build it" something along those lines. I mean, I really do love church. I'm serving where I can, I'm not those that have a GRAND dream of being so high up in leadership ... or even being in it. Sure, we say everyone is called to leadership, STEP UP! RISE UP! When are we going to work on things that are deeper instead of wider? Deep inside I know I'm not ready. Do I feel anything when I see people who came in so much later than me are all in leadership position? Actually ... no :) See, that's the thing. I don't. Does this mean I don't have a servant's heart? Can I be a Servant-King like Jesus? We're all called to be that ... to serve one another, to love one another, to forgive as Christ forgave us, etc, etc, etc. I can't say that I've given my best either, that, once again is measured by 'other' people's standards. But in all honesty, I don't think I have. You know, when Jesus comes back WHILE and IF we're still on Earth, I would be really afraid, 'coz I have a feeling He's not going to say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant" when I'm before Him. He's probably gonna say something like ... "I'd expected you to do better". I've not led a single person to Christ. Sharing the Gospel? I tried, a looooooooong time ago ... but I was so young and ill prepared. I yearn for opportunities again. If I have 3 legs, the other would kick myself now 'coz I missed an opportunity to testify how good God was when that person asked why I've been going to church now. Sigh. 0 comments Archives nothing |
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