about me A loner, although do enjoy the occasional companionship, if you can handle it. Enjoys long term friendships, sensitive, ponders a lot about life and people. Thursday, December 04, 2008
No help
[ 1:55 pm ] Have you ever gotten yourself into a situation where people would just ask for your help with something because of reasons like, "you deliver!", "you're reliable", "you understand what I want", etc ? I'm finding it increasingly hard to turn down these requests. I find it a poor reason just because others aren't able to deliver or aren't reliable. I don't like the 'pressure'. I find it very demoralising when I see others with similar skill sets and not given the equal opportunities to serve. Giving excuses like, 'they aren't reliable' is like taking the easy way out by asking me for help. I feel the need to guard myself from burning out. I get tired and restless when I seem to be the one on the list when it comes to getting a website done. Fine, it's my gifting ... so are the many others out there. You know what's even difficult? When they butter you up. "But we love your work! You DA man!". WHAT?! Please, I'm not motivated by these words. It's not my love language. There are reasons why I turn down requests in the past, you wanna know why? Here's why. 1. I don't like you. If I don't like you, that also means we're not friends and have no relationship other than a superficial one. I have no obligations to go out of my way sacrificing my free time for you. 2. I don't respect you (anymore). You've hurt me in the past and disappointed me with your empty promises and took me for granted. You will not expect any form of assistance from me except if you were in the jaws of death. 3. I know you don't like me. Seriously, don't ask anything from me because we both know the feeling is mutual, you're approaching me because you were asked to. 4. I value my free time. I get home from work around 7pm each day, the last thing I want to do is stare at the computer monitor and work again. Is that selfish of me? 5. I have other better things to do. Catching up with old friends, go on a movie date, practice the guitar, computer games ... rather be doing this after working hours than to be at home staring at 'work'. Honestly, am I being selfish here? It's not to say that I completely turn everyone down, I don't ... and when I don't, it's usually because they are really good friends. There are those that I would go all the way for, sacrificing my time after working hours, my car, petrol, my phone bill, anything just for them. Why? Because they are nice to me in a sincere way. They look at me as a person not an ability, they were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, they were there when I needed a listening ear or even to understand the situation I'm in. Now, tell me, why won't I repay them the same measure or more kindness? I'm really appalled by a certain someone who asked if I would continue a project (one that he left me high and dry in). What a turf. First, you didn't even pay me the agreed upon amount and kept the project hanging for months without a single update and only when I asked, you tell me your partner didn't want to continue with the project? Did it really have to take you months to tell me that? I wasted my valuable time pouring my efforts into your project, and what do I get in return? 5% of the total agreed upon cost. What a joke. This is me being taken advantage of. Today, I look at you with a different set of eyes, one through the lens of cynicisms and ridicule. You are a bad testimony. God help me. Don't anyone dare think they can take advantage of me ever again. There are some that I'd want to smack them silly. Do you think offering me money will motivate me to help you? I look at you as a friend and I'm willing to help, and you offer me ... money? Sorry, I get really insulted with this. You want to give me money, give it to that person who needs it down the street. I am offering you my help because I consider you a dear friend. Do not ever insult me again. Sometimes I wonder, when I'm the one needing help, who's gonna help me? Would you repay me the same kindness I've shown you? I've moved your house, paint your house, paid your bills, kept you company, help you with your wedding, etc. Can I have the reassurance when I can count on those that I've help before? Honestly, I doubt it. Why? I've seen it. They are too busy with their own life to be bothered with my 'petty' needs. It's a good thing I'm blessed with a good memory. I remember everything. The look on your face when I asked you for something, or how you willingly offered your help when I needed it when no one knew. I remember. Sorry for the long rant, but this gets on my nerves. 0 comments Archives nothing |
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